Ladies and gentlemen of the class of ’99
If I could offer you only one tip for the future
Sunscreen would be it

The long term benefits of sunscreen
Have been proved by scientists
Whereas the rest of my advice has no basis
More reliable than my own meandering experience
I will dispense this advice now

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth
Oh, nevermind; you will not understand
The power and beauty of your youth
Until they have faded

But trust me, in 20 years
You’ll look back at photos of yourself
And recall in a way you can’t grasp now
How much possibility lay before you
And how fabulous you really looked
You’re not as fat as you imagine

Don’t worry about the future
Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective
As trying to solve an algebra equation
By chewing bubblegum

The real troubles in your life are apt
To be things that never crossed your worried mind
The kind that blindside you at 4pm
On some idle Tuesday

Do one thing everyday that scares you

Sing

Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts
Don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours

Floss

Don’t waste your time on jealousy
Sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind
The race is long, and in the end
It’s only with yourself

Remember the compliments you receive
Forget the insults
If you succeed in doing this, tell me how

Keep your old love letters
Throw away your old bank statements

Stretch

Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know
What you want to do with your life
The most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22
What they wanted to do with their lives
Some of the most interesting
40 year-olds I know still don’t

Get plenty of calcium

Be kind to your knees
You’ll miss them when they’re gone

Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t
Maybe you’ll have children, maybe you won’t
Maybe you’ll divorce at 40
Maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken
On your 75th wedding anniversary

What ever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much
Or berate yourself either
Your choices are half chance
So are everybody else’s

Enjoy your body, use it every way you can
Don’t be afraid of it, or what other people think of it
It’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own

Dance ...
Even if you have nowhere to do it
But in your own living room

Read the directions
Even if you don’t follow them

Do NOT read beauty magazines
They will only make you feel ugly

Get to know your parents
You never know when they’ll be gone for good

Be nice to your siblings
They are the best link to your past
And the people most likely
To stick with you in the future

Understand that friends come and go
But for the precious few you should hold on
Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle
Because the older you get, the more you need the people
You knew when you were young

Live in New York City once
But leave before it makes you hard
Live in Northern California once
But leave before it makes you soft

Travel

Accept certain inalienable truths
Prices will rise, politicians will philander
You too will get old, and when you do
You’ll fantasize that when you were young
Prices were reasonable, politicians were noble
And children respected their elders

Respect your elders

Don’t expect anyone else to support you
Maybe you have a trust fund
Maybe you have a wealthy spouse
But you never know when either one might run out

Don’t mess too much with your hair
Or by the time you're 40, it will look 85

Be careful whose advice you buy
But be patient with those who supply it
Advice is a form of nostalgia
Dispensing it is a way of
Fishing the past from the disposal
Wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts
And recycling it for more than it’s worth

But trust me on the sunscreen