What in the hell is wrong with people
The deranged should be caged
What is wrong with people
It must be them, can’t you see
That it couldn’t be me
Where their road ends
That’s where mine begins

There’s a giant hole in my heart
But all I have to do 
Is fill it up with alcohol
It closes all the holes
It hides all my boredom
And subdues my restlessness
It enhances my personality
But makes me order
Three orders of buffalo wings
When I would normally have just one

It forces me to bob my head
To songs that I really really hate
And it makes me want
To strike someone at the bar
Who orders two waters with lemon

And once again I find myself
Bobbing my head to a mediocre song
When I notice two marginally attractive girls
Parking it next to me at the bar
Sipping spring water with a twist of lemon

What in the hell is wrong with people
The deranged should be caged
What is wrong with people
It must be them, can’t you see
That it couldn’t be me
Where their road ends
That’s where mine begins

And I’m ready to puke
When a small child sits next to me at the bar
But that’s OK, because to me
Other people’s kids are fine
So it’s no surprise that its parents
Are ordering water with lemon
And a root beer for the child

Do you ever find yourself
Striving for perfection
With a virtually worthless attempt at it
And is that why I find myself
Eavesdropping constantly

Sports bars are the best places
To meet people you hate
Not that I’ve actually met anyone 
It’s just a matter of listening
To their conversations and assuming
That you hate them, when of course
That probably isn’t true
Because I can get along with anyone
If I absolutely have to

What in the hell is wrong with people
The deranged should be caged
What is wrong with people
It must be them, can’t you see
That it couldn’t be me
Where their road ends
That’s where mine begins

Oh here we go
A couple a few tables down just ordered lunch
The guy wearing a basketball tank top
Is having a veggie burger
With fruit instead of fries
And his husky date is just having a salad
It must be their first date
And what goes better with rabbit food
Than ice water with a slice of lemon

Sometimes I think if I could be
Anyone in the whole world
I would be a magician
No, then I would hate myself
More than I already do
But at least then I could make
All of these people in the bar be more like me
Or even make them befriend me
But then again I could become one of them
And only then would I understand the benefits
Of putting a slice of lemon
In ordinary drinking water

What in the hell is wrong with people
The deranged should be caged
What is wrong with people
It must be them, can’t you see
That it couldn’t be me
Where their road ends
That’s where mine begins