Well I thought about the army
Dad said, son you're fucking high
And I thought, yeah there's a first
For everything so I took my
Old man's advice three sad semesters
It was only fifteen grand
Spent in bed, I thought about the army
I dropped out and joined a band instead

Grew a moustache and a mullet
Got a job at chic-fil-a
Citing artistic differences
The band broke up in May
And in June reformed without me
And they'd got a different name
I nuked another grandma's apple pie
And hung my head in shame

I've been thinking a lot today
I've been thinking a lot today

Oh I think I'll write a screenplay
Oh I think I'll take it to LA
Oh I think I'll get it done yesterday
Oh shit

In this time of introspection
On the eve of my election
I say to my reflection
God, please spare me more rejection
Cuz my peers, they criticize me
And my ex-wives all despise me
Try to put it all behind me
But my redneck past is
Nipping at my heels

I've been thinking a lot today
I've been thinking a lot today 
I've been thinking a lot today

I thought about the army